Read on for reasons... but to summon it up, I haven't been being myself on msp really, I'm growing up and changing and although I've always been like me, I am deciding not to come to msp as often anymore, maybe once every few days, maybe for the good weeks once a day. And I know this blog post is super depressing but I thought you should know... I haven't been the real me on msp, idk why, I've just been much more... not me and its not good for me in real, so anyway back to watching Dan and Phil and Catrific and basically read on if u must know ♥
mood over the last week or two: asdfghjklkbdo&:!028kdpwbspDj8u;of go?yo?g@&()
that's the best way... I go from sad to happy and most of the time now it's sad
just before I say at my webcam with my badger hat where I feel most comfortable, and I recorded myself talking about what was wrong and the video went on for more than 6 minutes and basically I was on about how anti social I've been becoming and how I just want to be alone with my YouTube and not talk
you guys know I always talk about 'finding the path to the real me' and tbh I realised who I am and I've known it for a while, I LOVE being alone, with YouTube or Internet and I'm one of those ppl that just can't be bothered to interact with other people, I have to bother being interesting which I'm not & I try so hard to keep a conversation going but it's hard... maybe you can relate, like dan can,
I watch dan because he is literally just me, I have made massive regrets and knowing ppl like him are just like me makes me have hope :) I love him so much and recently when I've been on msp I've watched so many of his videos and found even more youtubers and it's inspired me so much to keep my New Years resolution to boost my self confidence and interact with ppl more in real mostly... but in my way, which I find more comfortable talking to myself, through a video then watching it back because although I don't show it on msp I am so awkward and it really annoys me, I hate what msp does to me and makes me feel fake
I have never cared about what anyone says about me, my own 'friends' call me sarcastic, bitter, skinny etc and I don't care anymore I am so done with other humans again that's why I watch dan... he's just like me
so sorry about that waffling on, mum says I need to work on my social skills which I do not... I don't care anymore bc I don't even open my mouth anymore unless I eat which is all day everyday and I'm grateful for my fast metabolism lol
what I'm saying is, after recording those videos of myself, where I tell myself what I hate and what I want, I just want to say I'm not coming to msp much anymore, it is changing me too much I'm not myself there and I am happy being the sarcastic, try-to-hard, awkward mess I am because that's how teenagers are & now on I'm spending all my time with dan and phil, working on my art, my animations and singing and being me :)
I'm not deleting, but being me is too important to myself and I want to spend my time like the above ^^^
I am totally prepared to lose the friends I made :s I will miss you but you never knew the real me.. well that's a lie, you did I guess but if you knew me in real it's different, and fgs I never even told you my real name... one thing true about me is I'm crazy about Internet safety and I was pretty much honest about most of my personality and everything else but my name lol, I told like 2 people and hinted loads but u don't really need to know lol
bye for now, maybe we will see again when you meet the new me (the same but just asdfghjkl) and I'm going back to YouTube and art and animation and singing world :D
love, as you know me as, sprinkles <3
ps im sorry this was so deep... I swear I'm going through my emo phase lol
