mood over the last week or two: asdfghjklkbdo&:!028kdpwbspDj8u;of go?yo?g@&()
that's the best way... I go from sad to happy and most of the time now it's sad
just before I say at my webcam with my badger hat where I feel most comfortable, and I recorded myself talking about what was wrong and the video went on for more than 6 minutes and basically I was on about how anti social I've been becoming and how I just want to be alone with my YouTube and not talk
you guys know I always talk about 'finding the path to the real me' and tbh I realised who I am and I've known it for a while, I LOVE being alone, with YouTube or Internet and I'm one of those ppl that just can't be bothered to interact with other people, I have to bother being interesting which I'm not & I try so hard to keep a conversation going but it's hard... maybe you can relate, like dan can,
I watch dan because he is literally just me, I have made massive regrets and knowing ppl like him are just like me makes me have hope :) I love him so much and recently when I've been on msp I've watched so many of his videos and found even more youtubers and it's inspired me so much to keep my New Years resolution to boost my self confidence and interact with ppl more in real mostly... but in my way, which I find more comfortable talking to myself, through a video then watching it back because although I don't show it on msp I am so awkward and it really annoys me, I hate what msp does to me and makes me feel fake
I have never cared about what anyone says about me, my own 'friends' call me sarcastic, bitter, skinny etc and I don't care anymore I am so done with other humans again that's why I watch dan... he's just like me
so sorry about that waffling on, mum says I need to work on my social skills which I do not... I don't care anymore bc I don't even open my mouth anymore unless I eat which is all day everyday and I'm grateful for my fast metabolism lol
what I'm saying is, after recording those videos of myself, where I tell myself what I hate and what I want, I just want to say I'm not coming to msp much anymore, it is changing me too much I'm not myself there and I am happy being the sarcastic, try-to-hard, awkward mess I am because that's how teenagers are & now on I'm spending all my time with dan and phil, working on my art, my animations and singing and being me :)
I'm not deleting, but being me is too important to myself and I want to spend my time like the above ^^^
I am totally prepared to lose the friends I made :s I will miss you but you never knew the real me.. well that's a lie, you did I guess but if you knew me in real it's different, and fgs I never even told you my real name... one thing true about me is I'm crazy about Internet safety and I was pretty much honest about most of my personality and everything else but my name lol, I told like 2 people and hinted loads but u don't really need to know lol
bye for now, maybe we will see again when you meet the new me (the same but just asdfghjkl) and I'm going back to YouTube and art and animation and singing world :D
love, as you know me as, sprinkles <3
ps im sorry this was so deep... I swear I'm going through my emo phase lol
I'm sad about this but I respect your decision
ReplyDeleteI think am the two people? Lol and bby I know how u feel and sometimes am boring on msp aswell but even though this I dont wanna lose u, we spent a year together and it will take 10 to officialy get over it and let go. Ily too much for no reason but u, i dont care how u really are if u are totally different I feel like in some way ik the real sprinks and u know I do <3 Please stay in contact bbz
ReplyDeletePlease reply when u can, I really dont want to let u go I just want to hold u tight to my heart. I envy your friends, they see you everyday and honestly cant stop seeing u and they have no idea what they are missing out on. ♥
ReplyDeleteBelive it or not I find msp exhausting, I see people on there who are funny, pretty, adorable and so I try to be like them.. something im not. Tbh idk why people like me i compare myself to others and find myself boring and cheesy. And at the end of the day its exhaustive trying to keep up, but with you I am real, I dont try to be funny or I dont pretend. I can be myself and know that I am not being judged. But enough about me. I understand how you feel and I dont want u to feel pressured into staying because even though we dont admit it, msp makes u meet amazing people but its not good for us. I dont love u like a bff cuz of what u 'Pretend to be' ily cuz of the thing u are and it may not show on msp but I can tell. Lets face the facts, im lazy, skinny, and usually boring around new people. So ik how u feel and u just want to delete everything and start fresh not having that thought at the back of your head saying, remeber msp. Ik u are prepared to lose me but am not. The real reason I wasnt on for the holidays aside travelling was daily shifts between me and my cousin taking care of my aunt in hospital, and I regret not being there. Because now I missed out on the last days with YOU ♥ U may be prepared to lose me but judging on how much I missed u this week I am definitely not. Please keep in contact I beg u, Sisters for life, Jem
Btw ik am overreacting as u will be on little but I know u Ari more than u know and ik after a few days of this u will quit So thats why am so dramatic ^^^ Lol xx
DeleteYes it was only you and Alex who knew my name and I read all ur comment an tbh Jem I will miss seein you everyday and ik I'm not ready to let go, ppl like jess and nina and Liv always used to tell me I never talk to them anymore, I hate starting conversations and I prefer to be alone like dan says in Human Interaction, that video was just me and I watch him all day everyday now and I will visit often as u are my sister but I think that's all <3 ilysm love 'Ari' :)
DeleteYou dont have to start convos or be someone ur not :) Ik u prefer to be alone but .. Alone +1? ;D If u dont like people u dont have to be around them u can just block them from ur life like I do in my everyday life ik I sound mean but if I dont like someone (in rl) I just ignore them. Again I dont want u to feel pressured in staying just for me, my paradise msp would be just me u and the other bffs. But obviously there will be haters and there always will be times of stress so it is easier on yur own with YouTube. But through all that, sisters for life. ♥♥♥♥♥
Deletei will visit and talk :) and ty for respecting, u alway have cat ur special to me <3 I wish I could talk to u more but I just hate talking nowadays I just stay on my laptop all day watching dan and phil and cat and zoe etc lol, it is likely that by 2015 I will have quit but right now I am living in the present :) I will cherish the time I spend with my besties, even if I don't enjoy myself... I usually do I just cba to talk mostly and prefer to be alone... but I can still love you and I do :)
ReplyDeleteur special to me too, ik I'm not as close as some of your other friends but I'll still miss you with all my heart<3 I'll never remove you from that bff spot, even if you end up quitting, you just mean too much to me
ReplyDelete